But so is thunder and lightning. Finding the right quote can help ignite and inspire your journey. Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes, including yourself. Inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for the ten-dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you had hair. Know your worth, and then make sure to add tax. There is no such thing as fun for the whole family. Trouble knocked at the door, but, hearing laughter, hurried away. She remembered who she was, and the game changed. After that who cares? Hes a mile away and youve got his shoes! 
Properly trained and coached, the internal sales team will close more sales on their own, in addition to working with their team to move sales forward. Come back anytime you can benefit from a good laugh, and stay inspired. That changed a lot of things. Queen Latifah, Ive finally stopped running away from myself. Perhaps yours is watching television. They say marriages are made in Heaven. I told you to go to Coxs and buy a searsucker suit, but it looks like you went to Sears instead. The safe way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket. Naked people have little or no influence on society. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car. He is the founder of the American Seminar Leaders Association and is a popular presenter at national meetings and conferences, including the Million Dollar Round Table. You are what you eat. Wholesalers will be introduced to the Value-First Selling System, a state-of-the-art sales process designed specifically for todays inside wholesaler selling in todays unique financial marketplace. Vision Board Quotes To Encourage & Inspire! Sickos dont scare me. Then I want to move in with them. Every time something pops in my head, I think twice about it and I do it anyway. They laughed at Columbus, they laughed at Fulton, they laughed at the Wright Brothers. 
Inside wholesalers will learn the art, as well as the science, of prospecting, qualifying, selling to ideal prospects, time management, creating new profitable relationships, referral generation, setting up effective call rotations, etc. Never apologize for being a powerful fucking woman. And to the C students, I say you, too, can be president of the United States. Check out the below helpful posts all about self-care: Four Simple and Fulfilling Physical Self-Care Ideas, Easy Ways to Practice Emotional Self-Care, Your email address will not be published. Self-care is the greatest middle finger of all time. If you want instant notifications on our recent posts consider subscribing to Yawn Central with the subscription platform of your choice. 
Age is just a number. It does not matter whether you win or lose, what matters is whether I win or lose! Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear but forgetting where you heard it. Quincy is KIM's lead editor and content writer, and has invested in online properties since 2009. God did not intend religion to be an exercise club. As some of the largest wholesaling teams are eliminating all external wholesalers and converting to a hybrid/inside model, it has become abundantly clear the importance of the inside role has become paramount. Its a recession when your neighbor loses his job; its a depression when you lose yours. The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces. Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow. Political correctness is tyranny with manners. Marriage is like mushrooms: we notice too late if they are good or bad. Be loud about the things that are important to you. Always borrow money from a pessimist. You both get dirty, and the pig likes it. The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades. Everything is funny, as long as its happening to somebody else. Dont keep a man guessing too long hes sure to find the answer somewhere else. Men marry women with the hope they will never change. As a child my familys menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it. Its sanity. Andre Gide, People think, Oh, Im loving myself by sitting on this sofa for four hours. Love yourself enough to get up! Alison Sweeney, You were born to be real, not to be perfect. Unknown, Above all, be true to yourself, and if you cannot put your heart in it, take yourself out of it. Unknown, Categories Love Quotes, Quotes, Self Care. Talking about music is like dancing about architecture. Education is learning what you didnt even know you didnt know. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. And then, as luck would have it, the next week you find two that are perfect, but you dont have the money to buy both. And if your name is on your shirt, youre poor. Whats even better, is a collection of funny self-love quotes because things are always lighter, brighter and more positive if youre able work on your personal development AND have a little laugh along the way! All the things I really like to do are either immoral, illegal or fattening. A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money. A glowing woman can help other women glow and still be lit. I drink to make other people more interesting. Or, do you have a funny quote about self-care to add to the list? Unless youre in the woods and youre lost and you see a path. Good advice is something a man gives when he is too old to set a bad example. Sometimes you just need to lie on the couch and read for a couple of years. But a little chocolate now and then doesnt hurt. Anyone can be confident with a full head of hair. Stop shrinking to fit places youve outgrown. Clothes make the man. When you go to work, if your name is on the building, youre rich. Americans are incredibly impatient. You cannot soar with the eagles as long as you hang out with the turkeys. I want my children to have all the things I couldnt afford. Then quit. My theory is that all of Scottish cuisine is based on a dare. My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on. Pauls articles are regularly featured in such financial industry publications as Ignites, Registered Rep, On Wall Street, Investment Advisor, and National Underwriters. I am not an early bird or night owl; Im some sort of permanently exhausted pigeon. He said okay, youre ugly too. To those of you who received honors, awards and distinctions, I say well done. I stopped waiting for the light at the end of the tunnel and lit that bitch up myself. Behind every successful man is a surprised mother-in-law. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me theyre cramming for their final exam. The rest of the world can wait. Motivation is even better. Be enough for yourself first. The road to success is always under construction. if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[250,250],'keepinspiring_me-portrait-2','ezslot_22',838,'0','0'])};if(typeof __ez_fad_position!='undefined'){__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-keepinspiring_me-portrait-2-0')};We hope our collection of funny quotes from comedians, celebrities, and philosophers made you laugh out loud and gives you the cheer you need to get through the day. Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt. Going to church doesnt make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobile. A study of economics usually reveals that the best time to buy anything is last year. War is Gods way of teaching Americans geography. Haters are just confused admirers because they cant figure out the reason why everyone loves you. Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. Self-care is giving the world the best of you instead of whats left of you. Never doubt the courage of the French. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad. We spend the first twelve months of our childrens lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up. Nobody provides laughs like comedians. I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with Guess on it. This is the worst thing to happen to beaches since the Speedo. I watch them all on TV. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. So consider this list of quotes a virtual notebook of sorts, packed with funny self-care quotes to help you feel more motivated. Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy. You can follow me on twitter for some motivational/personal tweets. Im just going to ask where theyre going and hook up with em later. Home Quotes 40 Funny Self Love Quotes. It looks fun. An alcoholic is someone you dont like who drinks as much as you do. They were the ones who discovered that snails are edible. True terror is to wake up one morning and discover that your high school class is running the country. A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on. My friend Eddy Eye, Always said this. The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret. Weve got you covered with a huge list of funny quotes to make you laugh out loud. Women marry men with the hope they will change. You have to remember one thing about the will of the people: it wasn;t that long ago we were swept away by the Macarena. If your name is on your desk, youre middle class. Invariably they are both disappointed. This trend is not likely to end in the near future. Its only when you look at an ant through a magnifying glass on a sunny day that you realize how often they burst into flames. I did not climb to the top of the food chain to eat carrots. Ive got all the money Ill ever need, if I die by four oclock. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? My pessimism extends to the point of even suspecting the sincerity of other pessimists. I dont want to achieve immortality through my work. If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands? A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you dont need it. My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them. If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the up button. If it costs you your peace, its too expensive. But the fact that some geniuses were laughed at does not imply that all who are laughed at are geniuses. The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30 percent of their ice cream. A man doesnt know what he knows until he knows what he doesnt know. Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal. A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are a good person is a little like expecting the bull not to attack you because you are a vegetarian. Never underestimate the power of laughter its a powerful form of self-care. My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. The hardest part of the journey is believing you are worthy of the trip. I have mood poisoning. Men are like shoes. Strong women dont have attitudes; they have standards. There is a voice that doesnt use words. Then its just hilarious. If you think education is expensive, try ignorance. Inside me theres a thin person struggling to get out, but I can usually sedate him with four or five cupcakes. You dont have to set yourself on fire to keep others warm. Older people shouldnt eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get. A. Milne (Winnie the Pooh), Dont belittle yourself. Love conquers all things except poverty and toothache. 30 Self-Acceptance Quotes That Will Have You Thinking, 36 Inspiring Quotes About Self Confidence, 40 Quotes To Inspire You To Take Care of Yourself, Love Yourself Quotes 40 Inspiring Quotes on Self-Acceptance, Resilience Quotes Focusing & Learning To Bounce Back, Positive Adjectives List of 400+ Positive Describing Words, Mindset Quotes Why Mindset Is So Important For Success & Happiness, 50 Motivational Mindset Quotes That Inspire Action. To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer. Before you marry a person, you should at least make them use a computer with a slow internet connection to find out who they really are. Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time. Im staying home today. When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President. I think we should start calling our mistakes growth spurts instead. Weeds are flowers, too, once you get to know them. Very few people die past that age. The program is designed to transform the inside team from a client relations mind-set, to a world-class sales team. Paul Karasik, a leading authority in the financial industry, has devoted 18 years to helping financial industry professionals achieve their goals. Then by all means follow that path. If make a purchase through these links, we receive a commission at no extra cost to you. How To Make A Vision Board Even If You Dont Have A 5-Year Plan. Im too busy working on my own grass to notice if yours is greener. If youre waiting for a sign, this is it. A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere. Please see our disclosure for more info. I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific. A verbal contract isnt worth the paper its written on. The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he is a baby. Its amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper. You have to go after it with a club., Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die., Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings., A diamond is merely a lump of coal that did well under pressure., Even if you are on the right track, youll get run over if you just sit there., Life is like a sewer what you get out of it depends on what you put into it., The road to success is always under construction., Failure is the condiment that gives success its flavor., There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot., Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds., People often say that motivation doesnt last. Everybody talks about the weather, but nobody does anything about it. Youre basically a houseplant with more complicated emotions. I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering. The atmosphere of the program is motivational; the content is concise, and achievement driven. So, if youre on the hunt for some funny self-care quotes to help inspire and encourage your self-care practice, youre in the right place. We are all here on earth to help others. It helps a lot. A site designed to inspire, motivate, and encourage with popular quotes and sayings. The greatest thief this world has ever produced is procrastination, and he is still at large. Doctors are just the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too. We should all celebrate our individuality and not be embarrassed or ashamed of it. Johnny Depp, Low self-esteem is like driving through life with your hand-break on. Maxwell Maltz, LOreals slogan because youre worth it has come to epitomise banal narcissism of early 21st century capitalism; easy indulgence and effortless self-love all available at a flick of the credit card. Geoff Mulgan, One advantage of being disorderly is that one is constantly making exciting discoveries. A. The average dog is a nicer person than the average person. A camel is a horse designed by a committee. Everyone with telekinetic powers, raise my hand. Never follow anyone elses path. I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesnt work that way. Having a smoking section in a restaurant is like having a peeing section in a pool. Unfortunately, much of this potential is never realized because the inside sales team has not been properly trained and coached. If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one? If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness. A wise woman once said, fuck this shit and lived happily ever after. Normal is overrated. Mad-D, Care about what other people think and you will always be their prisoner. Lao Tzu, The things that make me different are the things that make me me. A. Im beginning to believe it. The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot. I didnt forget where I came from; I just realized I couldnt stay there. Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing. accountability, and value add programs., The Wholesaler Bootcamp provided me with the strategies needed to maximize my sales.. He wont expect it back. So enjoy these 300 funny quotes, sayings, and observations and get laughing today. Formula for success: rise early, work hard, strike oil. Have you noticed that all the people in favor of birth control are already born? If you think nobody cares if youre alive, try missing a couple of car payments. When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who werent smart enough to get out of jury duty. If you love something set it free, but dont be surprised if it comes back with herpes. Once you give up integrity, the rest is a piece of cake. . Accomplishing the impossible means only the boss will add it to your regular duties. Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. If it costs you your peace of mind, youve overpaid. Be yourself is about the worst advice you can give some people. Comment and tell me your favorite! Eventually. A. My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldnt pay the bill he gave me six months more. The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. Whether its self-care, self-love, relationships, or motherhood, quotes can have a powerful way of speaking to our soul and help us feel seen and validated in our experience. Fortunately, I love money. A bargain is something you dont need at a price you cant resist. If someone else is paying for it, food just tastes a lot better. Closing More Sales from the Inside enlists a variety of interactive adult learning technologies. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always. When a man opens a car door for his wife, its either a new car or a new wife. Try approving of yourself and see what happens. Louise L. Hay, Its not your job to like meits mine! Byron Katie, Youre always with yourself, so you might as well enjoy the company. Diane Von Furstenberg, Your problem is youre too busy holding onto your unworthiness. Ram Dass, I am the only person in the world I should like to know thoroughly. Oscar Wilde, If youre searching for that one person that will change your life, take a look in the mirror. Unknown, I am a queen because I know how to govern myself. Lailah Gifty Akita, Accept who you are. Be messy, complicated, and afraid. The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time. 35 Inspirational Songs With Lyrics To Motivate And Inspire You, 101 Inspirational Words of Encouragement to Lift You Up, 7 Best Graduation Speeches That Will Inspire You, Relationship Quotes for All Your Relations. It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another persons plate. A. Milne (Winnie the Pooh), In a society that profits from your self-doubt, loving yourself is a rebellious act. Unknown, We must fall in love with yourselves. Life begins at 40 but so do fallen arches, rheumatism, faulty eyesight, and the tendency to tell a story to the same person, three or four times. Whoever said money cant buy happiness didnt know where to shop. Dont let schooling interfere with your education. I am an early bird and a night owl so I am wise and I have worms. Givers need to set limits because takers rarely do. Copyright 2011-2022. The avoidance of taxes is the only intellectual pursuit that still carries any reward. Participants will receive a roadmap for success with a comprehensive, strategic, and tactical approach to inside wholesaling. Required fields are marked *. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); Your email address will not be published. I think he was right. 41 Unique Ways To Bounce Back From a Heartbreak, Lets Prove Negative Nancy Wrong Loneliness, Motivational Quotes 4 An Eye for an Eye, 19 Funny Inspirational Quotes to Laugh Your Way to Self Improvement, The 18 Most Memorable Steve Jobs Quotes of All Time, 12 Revealing Habits of Extremely Successful People. Relationship status: committed to growth, self-love, and inner peace. Im one of the few people in Hollywood who actually had a good childhood. A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing. When life gives you lemons, quit. When God talks to us, were schizophrenic. Who else is there better to be? Golden Hawn, Yes, I am weird, weird is good. The only bathroom law Im interested in is one that bans loud sighing. Its always darkest before the dawn. If you want your children to listen, try talking softly to someone else. And sometimes you go out shopping and theres nothing you like. All you need is love. Youll wear it every day for the rest of your life. Resting is a part of the process, even if its not a part of the plan. Oh, look, its empty. There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable.There is another theory which states that this has already happened. Pick out a few, write them in your journal, or print them out to keep the messages nearby. By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day. Then hes finished. My favorite machine at the gym is the vending machine. Heres to our wives and girlfriends may they never meet! Listen. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other. But they also laughed at Bozo the Clown. Cleaning up with children around is like shoveling during a blizzard. Paul is the author of eight business classics, including Mastering the Art of Wholesaling, and 22 Keys to Sales Success: How to Make It Big in Financial Services, published by Bloomberg Press. I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass. Youve got to be very careful if you dont know where you are going, because you might not get there. So far, so good. What on earth the others are here for I dont know. A pessimist is a person who has had to listen to too many optimists. They say good things take time, so thats why Im always late. Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife. It would be nice to spend billions on schools and roads, but right now that money is desperately needed for political ads. The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion. Theres no point in being a damn fool about it. If I wasnt a golfer, I would still be miserable but not as miserable. Closing More Sales from the Inside will enable your inside team to unleash their selling power by implementing the best practices of the most successful wholesalers. Combine those together and you have something that can help you become a better person while having an awesome time. Lead me not into temptation; I can find the way myself. People often say that motivation doesnt last. In America, one sure sign of success is the presence of an unnecessary waterfall in a persons yard. And show up, anyway. Someone once said that the shortest period of time in America is the time between when the light turns green and when you hear the first horn honk. Quincy holds an MBA from the University of Dundee and an MSc from the University of Edinburgh, and lives in San Antonio with his wife Natalie, son Alex, and his dog Oban. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first, and call whatever you hit the target. Women are wiser than men because they know less and understand more. As you get older three things happen. A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing. She had no fucks to give, not even one. My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. The guy who invented the other three, he was a genius. When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Its totally irrelevant unless, of course, you happen to be a bottle of wine. All Rights Reserved. His other books include: Seminar Selling for the Financial Industry, published by McGraw-Hill and How to Market to High-Net-Worth Households.
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